19. Na wesoło – zaczynasz biegać? przeczytaj! / ENG: And now for something funny

Najlepszy na stres jest lekki uśmiech więc spróbujmy -:)
The best recipe against stress is to smile, so let’s give it a try.
1. Z gatunku: słodko-kwaśne. Podczas ½ Ironmana w Gdyni, czekamy z Kasią tuż przed strefą zmian (pływanie-rower) na Zdzicha, ścisk jak diabli, każdy chce być przy barierce, by dopingować, zrobić zdjęcie.
1. A bitter-sweet story. During the ½ Ironman in Gdynia Kasia and I are waiting for Zdzichu just before the changing area (swim to bike). It’s insanely crowded, everyone wants to be by the barrier to cheer and take photos.
Zdzichu w czarnym kostiumie dobiega do strefy zmian
Zdzichu w czarnym kostiumie dobiega do strefy zmian – wzdłuż trasy tłum kibiców
Tuż przed nami, niewysoka kobieta dostaje wyjątkowych emocji, podskakuje, krzyczy, macha rękami – ewidentnie zbliża się On. Jest! Facet, ze ściągniętą do połowy pianką, skosem przesuwa się w naszą stronę, wysyła jednoznaczne sygnały – „jeść”!. W końcu spotkanie – On zadyszany, skoncentrowanym wzrokiem błądzi wokół jej … pustych rąk: no masz?! (zapewne odżywki energetyczne). Ona w szoku, jakby sobie dopiero przypomniała – uśmiech spływa z rozradowanej twarzy i rozpoczyna się wrestling z damską torebką. Zawodnik z niedowierzaniem ocenia nową sytuację i .. rezygnuje. Śmiałem się i współczułem obojgu – zakładam, że w strefie zmian kolega miał jakiś zapas odżywek, a na mecie były już inne emocje.
There’s a short woman in front of us, visibly excited: jumping, screaming, waving her hands – obviously her runner is coming. There he is! The man, halfway out of his foam suit, is approaching us sideways gesturing: “food”! Finally, they meet. He’s out of breath, his focused eyes examining her empty hands: well, got it?! (probably energy enhancing supplements). She’s shocked as if she just remembered right now – the smile disappears from her radiant face and she begins frantically wrestling with her handbag. Incredulous, the runner gauges the new situation.. and gives up. I laughed and felt sorry for them both. I assume my fellow runner had some snacks in the changing zone and at the finishing line there were definitely different emotions at play.
2. Z gatunku: ale o co chodzi? Posłałem maile do różnych mediów, z prośbą o rozpropagowanie akcji. Dzwoni, w tej sprawie mężczyzna i oto fragment naszej rozmowy:

– rozumiem, czyli będzie Pan „człowiekiem z żelaza”, to świetny tytuł, bardzo ładnie brzmi,

– to tylko taka nazwa ..

– oczywiście, Pan wie, że był już taki film, Wajda nakręcił?

– tak, ale … to inna dziedzina i historia

W końcu udało się wytłumaczyć.

2. A “what the heck” story. I sent plenty of emails to the media asking to help me publicise my project. A man called me about this, and here is a fragment of our conversation:

– I see, so you will be the “man of iron”, that’s a great title, sounds very nice.

– It’s just a name ..

– But you know that there already has been one film under that title, directed by Wajda?

– Yeah, but… it’s a different subject and a different story..

I managed to explain it in the end.

3. Opowieść początkującego biegacza –znaleziona w internecie. Fotografia poniżej nie ma związku z tekstem -:)

David Cameron_jogging Źródło www.telegraph.co.uk
David Cameron_jogging Źródło www.telegraph.co.uk

75 Thoughts Every Runner Has While Out For A Run

1. What a beautiful day for a run!
2. This sucks.
3. Well, five miles is only two and half miles each way, which is basically two miles each way, so I’m really only running four miles. That’s not too far.
4. It’s starting to feel far.
5. How long have I been running? A year?
6. SIX MINUTES?!
7. I can barely remember what my life was like before I started this run.
8. OK, concentrate. There are still four-plus miles to go.
9. But who counts the first and last mile? This is pretty much an easy three miler.
10. Oh, shit! A fellow jogger!
11. Should I wave?
12. I’m totally gonna wave.
13. OOOK, they didn’t wave back. Never doing that again.
14. Just keep running, no one saw. Except that old guy who may or may not be averting his eyes.
15. Man, I think I’m hitting that “second wind” thing my gym coach was talking about.
16. Wait, never mind. I’ve been running down a decline.
17. If I leap to avoid dog shit, does that make me a CrossFit athlete?
18. What the heck is CrossFit anyway?
19. Mental reminder: Google CrossFit when I get home.
20. If I ever get home.
21. If I had a heart attack right now, I wonder who would find my body.
22. OMG, I hope I never find a dead body. Joggers always find dead bodies.
23. Bodies. Body. Bod-ay. Runnin’ all day, no one can catch … may.
24. OK, I must be halfway done by now.
25. What?! Only two miles in?
26. Alright, stay focused. What am I going to eat when I get home?
27. I’m running five miles so I should probably eat five slices of pizza.
28. Or I could buy one pizza and ask them to cut it into five slices.
29. I should probably get a side salad too.
30. …
31. Fuck the salad actually.
32. Man, what are these people doing in front of me? Walking?!
33. Is this a contest to see who’s the worst at walking? Because you are both champions in my heart.
34. Maybe if I pound my feet on the ground they’ll hear me coming and let me pass.
35. Oh, God. They didn’t turn around and now I’m right behind them. They’re going to think they’re getting mugged by the world’s sweatiest criminal.
36. You know what? Now seems like a good time to run in the street.
37. * Jumps off curb * Parkour!
38. Hi hi hi please don’t hit me with your car.
39. Pedestrian pedestrianizing over here, let me cross.
40. Thank you, Mr. Blue Honda. I’m trying to smile at you but it probably looks like I’m having a stroke.
41. Actually, I wonder what I look like right now.
42. * Checks out reflection in shop window * Yeesh.
43. Is that what I look like when I run? What am I, a newborn deer with a drinking problem?
44. Whatever, I must be almost done by now.
45. Heck yes. Three miles down, two to go. It’s all downhill from here.
46. Except for that very real uphill in front of me. God damnit.
47. Wait, is that… Is that…
48. A DOG!
49. Hi dog! You are so cute. You are now my mascot. I will finish this run for you, pup.
50. And — hello — what do we have here? Your human is pretty cute too.
51. Hope you like drunk fawns, Cute Human.
52. Watch my bambi ass prance up this hill.
53. Holy shit, prancing is exhausting. I am exhausted.
54. Honestly, I don’t even like running.
55. Why do I even run?
56. Why does anyone even run?
57. Why are we even alive?
58. OK, let’s not go down that road.
59. Focus. Focus on that sweet, delicious ‘za waiting at the finish line, calling your name with its cheesy breath.
60. Wait, less than one mile to go? I am KILLING this run.
61. I AM THE SWIFTEST GOD OF ALL TWO-LEGGED CREATURES.
62. YES, including ostriches.
63. Honestly, I should sign up for a marathon.
64. What is it, like 30 miles?
65. That’s just 15 miles each way, which is practically 10, and 10 is twice five, and I can run five miles EASY.
66. That’s it, I’m doing it. Thirty miles.
67. Thirty-mile marathon…30-mile marathon…30 Rock marathon.
68. On second thought, I’ll probably just binge-watch every episode of 30 Rock. That takes a lot of dedication and I will be winded from laughing so hard.
69. But I could probably do a marathon IF I wanted.
70. OK, almost home. Should I shower first and order pizza or order pizza and shower before it shows up?
71. Yep, definitely ordering first. I earned that shit.
72. Oh, no. Oh god no. Another runner. Should I wave?
73. No, be strong! Do not get burned again.
74. OMG, SHE waved first! Hello! Yes! We are both runners! Look at us run!
75. I guess running’s not so bad.